A few thoughts about the Hobbit: We Took the Back End of a Kids Novel and Turned It Into a 2.5 Hour Movie:

  • Doesn’t the addition of giant bat army make it really the Battle of Six Armies? 1. The Dwarves; 2. The Elves; 3. The People of Laketown; 4. The Orcs; 5. The Giant Eagles; and 6. The Bats.
  • So, they have this huge pile of treasure and massive armory under the mountain, but only one Mithral vest that no blade can pierce? Might have helped Thoren in the final battle if he’d spent less time looking for the Arkenstone and more looking for another Mithral vest.
  • Seriously, where the hell did the giant bats come from?
  • A giant eagle paratroopers a giant bear into the fight: Awesome.
  • Legolas continued his career as a CGI character immune to the laws of physics, not to mention time and space.
  • Speaking of Legolas, wasn’t great that after six movies, five of which he seemed to have an unlimited supply of arrows, that he could actually run out?
  • Giant bats bred for war? Really?
  • Bard wins Dad of the Year for using his son as a makeshift ballista.
  • Was there any point at all in introducing the Town Master other than so we could cheer when he went down?
  • Giant war bats?
  • If you were thinking of something to cut for time, I’d suggest the five-minute sequence after the battle where Gandalf just sits next to Bilbo toking up.
  • What is with Peter Jackson and giving the big bad ridiculously unwieldy weapons? First we had the Witch King swinging around a two-ton flail at the Battle of Gondor and now we have the White Orc thinking a big rock on a chain is a good weapon to use on a frozen river.
  • Is there a severe horse shortage in Middle Earth? We had characters riding giant hyenas, rams, pigs, and a  huge elk, not mention a sleigh pulled by rabbits. I think there were only two horses in the entire movie.

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